I went for a run this morning with a group of people. On the one hand, it was very encouraging to see so many people out on a Sunday morning but on the other hand what I saw was very strange and made me uncomfortable (physically and mentally). I was pointed towards the “fast marathon group.” When I asked if I could join them this one guy looked at me as if to say “are you sure you can handle us.” The leader of the group asked what are goal pace was for the 23km. Another guy replied “6mins.” As this was the fast group, I thought maybe they meant 6min/mile, which actually is pretty impressive. Well, I found out less than one mile in that they meant 6min/km. I found out less than another mile later that we were taking walking breaks every 10mins (which about 10 GPS units all barked at once). It felt nice to putt along at first, and the walking breaks aloud me to enjoy the morning, but about 6km in I started to feel discontent. My legs ached from the pace and the cold and on top of it everyone had their GPS units programmed to alarm in they deviated from their goal pace. There was never a 30 second increment where someone’s didn’t beep.
I asked, what seemed like about 2 hours into the run, how far we had gone. One guy looked at his GPS and said “about 12km.” Suicide had never seemed like such an attractive option. Finally, after much persuasion on my part, I convinced the few remaining members of our group to cross the river and run the trail on the other side. This nice change of pace carried me the rest of the way home – 2.5 hours later. I haven’t been that zapped in a while. I just ate and sat for the rest of the afternoon before going to my evening PK session at Sportchek.
Later that night, I was just drifting off to sleep when I started hearing a shrill cry. I laid in bed for a maybe 30 seconds trying to figure out what it was and where it was coming from. Eventually it became clear that some one was yelling, “Help! Help me!” It sounded like it was coming from downstairs so I put on my slippers and coat and ran downstairs to investigate. I opened the door to the parking garage and immediately saw a woman on the ground and a man standing over her. I yelled something to the effect of “Hey, do you guys need some help,” which is a dumb fucking question I realize now, but whatever. The man turned around to reveal a huge fucking gash all the way down his face. He started at me as he yelled back “Look at my fucking face! What do you think? Call the cops!” He kept coming at me so I said I’d go grab my phone and then decided it was probably a good time to close the door. I ran back upstairs and immediately called 911. I gave them my address but they kept asking me redundant questions, probably their strategy to keep people calm. The operator didn’t want me to leave my room but I knew the cops would have a hard time finding the alley way in the back and he kept asking me if I knew what was going on so I just grabbed my camping knife and went back down.
I saw the cops out front and I told them how to get out back. They said they already had the girl but didn’t know where the guy was. I gave them the best description I could (which I know enough about psychology to know was probably very inaccurate) and said he had a knife wound to his face. Immediately, the cop turned on me and said, “How do you know he had a knife wound to the face?”
I thought to myself: Fuck off; I’m trying to help here – but have learned enough from past experiences not to mess around with the police. I told him what happened and he said he’d call me later (which was no more than 5mins later to tell me they had caught the guy and would call me if they needed a statement).
I couldn’t fall back to sleep afterwards so I sat in chair playing my guitar for half an hour or so. I finally went back to bed but very shortly after heard some banging sounds. I went back down to the garage but didn’t see anything…other than the entire garbage room door ripped off its hinges. I became very curious of the situation so I wandered around the parking lot trying to figure out what had happened. I followed a trail of blood to the spot where I saw them (I’ve been watching too much Dexter). It ended with a large pool of very bright red blood. As I traced around I noticed that there were several pools of blood scattered about. As my eyes wandered I noticed an object back by the first pool. I couldn’t quite tell what it was but I put on my Mizuno Breath Thermo Gloves (product placement) and picked it up. It had a sharp bit to it and there were a couple of drops of blood on it. I then noticed the brick the people in my building usually use to wedge the door open, broken in half and next to another bit of blood. I inspected it as well but found no blood on it. I followed the blood around some more but didn’t really find anything else.
I brought the first object up to my apartment and put it in a zip lock bag. As I stared at it it occurred to me that it was a car door handle. I then thought that someone’s car was probably missing this exact handle. I dressed for a third time and went back down to the “scene of the crime.” I checked all the cars but found no missing handle. It became even more of a Colonel Mustard situation when I found the other half of the brick next to a car about 10 or 20m from the first one. But it had no blood on it either. I became very agitated and after giving the area one last glance I finally gave up and came back upstairs to document this little happening. Upon immediate reflection I realize I probably shouldn’t have taken the weapon but I’ll cross that bridge in the morning. It’s getting late but I’m in no way tired.
Around 1:30am I still couldn’t sleep and I was still ridiculously hungry from my morning run so I walked to the closest McDonald’s for a dirty burger. For some reason the crazies seem to come out at night. I met a drunk, small town Chef who almost broke my fingers when he went for the old double hand shake. And then I bought a Schizo a burger. I sat in the restaurant for a while and then walked home very slowly through a network of back alleys. I think I finally fell asleep around 3am.