May 29 – I’m Speechless….but I’m about to Write A Lot Anyway

Song of the Blog: Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up

Where to begin…

Fuck talking about Banff so much has happened since them. This blog comes in 3 acts.

Act 1. – Challenge Accepted

I wasn’t originally supposed to come back from Banff until Sunday night but my love interest kept inviting me to this show Saturday night. Also, a golf event came up in Red Deer on the Sunday that I felt obligated to attend. Those two things got me on the road back to Calgary Saturday evening. Along the way I kept getting the “Where are you?” texts and what not and naturally I started to feel a glimmer of hope. I had to pull over at one point and do more kicks. Part of that was do to Ben Howard. Holy fuck that guy gets me fired up. I finally arrived at the venue at about 10pm. I spotted the interest and when I walked over to her she got up and gave me her chair. She then introduced me to this guy (“The curse of Eden” guy) and her semi-boyfriend Christian and then walked over to another table. She then turned back to me and gave me a smirk that suggested a challenge. Well, challenge fucking accepted! After the show I took them all out for drinks, as well as a few other musicians. Except, all these people were those monkish, vegan, non-drinking musicians and so Selina and I just got smashed by ourselves. I had already had a few drinks by this point but I was still game for some wine. I started by ordering a half litre for us. Christian got fed up and was the first to leave. To fill the void I invited the lonely old guy at the next table to join us. I named him Manstache because he oiled his moustache. I forget his actual name now but he was 84 years old and fit right in with us. He dove in with both feet to our intense philosophical discussion and then sang us an old folk song his mother wrote. In fact, there was much lyrical prose shared at that table. Selina and I shared poems we had written (non of the monks cared) and then we played “Synthesize That” and “Things” – two games from my old high school cross-country days.

Below the table I was being texted that the interest just wanted to get trashed and then cuddle. “Another bottle of wine!” I instantly hollered to the waitress while making a rally-it-up motion. By the time that Boston Pizza kicked us out (2am) it was clear that I could no longer drive the interest home, as was originally planned after the bf left. Enter the third party who I haven’t mentioned yet. There is a third guy who is in love with my interest. He is super cool and I like him a lot as a buddy. I feel bad for the pursuit but I am not about to stop. Anyway, he drove us both home and sensing my intentions, made sure that I got dropped off first. Instantly I began texting the interest again and she invited me over. En route I found a cat and it followed me to the apartment. I brought it up and wouldn’t you know it, the interest is a cat lover. Small catch at this point: third party is also in the apartment. It was quite strange how everyone in the triangle felt love and respect for each other and did not want to hurt anyone else but also intensely wanted to pursue their own interests as well. There was much beating around the bush. Because of the interest’s Christian parameters (the religion, not the guy…well the guy too I guess) she has to find loopholes in order to do what she wants. We began by playing a card game that somehow both the third party and I won. As a prize we got to have anything we wanted. The third party chose a song from the interest and I made it clear that I should not be offered this power. After that she started a game of spin the bottle…yah. BUT! We couldn’t start with kissing. We naturally had to warm up to it for some reason. Oh yah, and by this point her neighbour and her interest have entered the scene with more alcohol. The first round was a hand shake. The second round was a hug. Due to boredom and hormones the two new guests left. Round 3 was finally what round 1 should have been but I had to kiss the dude twice before i finally got to the interest…and then it got weird. I was the only one who took part in round 4.

After that came honesty time. I don’t even know why I took this long to speak up but I finally said everything that needed to be said. After that the interest looked to third party for response. He apologized to me and then grabbed the interest and kissed her passionately. As much as I desire Truth I still had to look away.

The conversation then drifted back into philosophy and then the sun came up. At 6am I finally had to leave, though I knew what would happen as soon as I did. I got to Starbucks 4mins after they opened and then i went and had breakfast. I still had to retrieve my van from the other side of town so I could pack it up with golf stuff and head up to Red Deer. It took me longer to get there then expected as my achilles tendon is super fucked from all the mountain stuff. To add insult to injury the Calgary Marathon was on that morning and every route back to my house was blocked. I finally got back, packed and hit the road.  it was a challenge to get through 3 hours of driving and 4 hours on the range but Love trumps even Red Bull. I tried to convince the interest to hang out again when I got home but somebody needed to sleep. Sleep is for the weak.

Act 2. – “Hey There Stranger!”

I was home this evening preparing a set list for my gig at Classic Jack’s this Saturday. I was going to go to Koi afterwords for the open mic but I broke a string and was delayed because of it. As I was cooling down my voice I sat watching an interview of Max, the lead singer of the Arkells (in town tomorrow night!). Through the window I noticed my love interest poking her head around. I opened the door and found her starring at a bush next door. I summoned her and we hung out for the next couple of hours. All the while she insisted that she had to leave soon but I have a way of being persuasive. When she finally did go I walked her home but convinced her to take a massive detour down by the river. We had more pleasant yet intense conversation and I finally bid her a due back at her apartment (but not by my design).

Act 3 – Perspective

As I walked slowly back to my house I ran into a shady looking guy on a bike. I told him I was having a weird night and he said he was too. I let him go first…

Steve left his home a few hours prior to meet with his buddy and old lady. He grabbed 3 beers for them but when he walked around the corner he found them locking lips. Instead of loosing it he went off for a walk to clear his head. When he got home he found that his banking password had been changed and all $7000.00 of his money transferred out. “I used to know her but then she started doing crack” he said – “That stuff really changes people.” I agreed, assuming he was right. “You know who the only woman I can trust is?” he asked. “Here’s a picture of my mother” he reached into his otherwise empty wallet and pulled out a picture of an old lady in a wheel chair. “She died last week” he said tearfully. My mind is pretty much fucked at this point. I asked him what he was going to do. He said that he still had to go to work the next day so he went to Walmart and stole a pair of boots and a mountain bike so he could get through the week. We were almost back to my house by this point so I said I’d give him money for a hotel at least. I reached into the tube that I keep my music money in and gave him about $150. When I came outside with it he was full on in tears. He asked for my number so he could repay me. I gave him my cell. I don’t know if he will but I don’t even care. He then said “I don’t really believe in God but God Bless.” I said “Neither do I so we’re all good. Cheers.” Oh yah, and I didn’t even bother telling him of my state of confusion. Somehow it seemed petty after all that. but even after all that can you not see, dear reader, how ridiculous all of this is!? Seriously, does this stuff happen to other people too? I feel like I’m in a weird novel or on a never ending episode of the O.C. or something. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have an intense airport scene come August when the interest moves back to Newfoundland. Fuck, did I even mention that? And Christian is going with her. I tried to get her to come to Banff with me but this was the reason why she wouldn’t. Strange how the preceding events followed.

Baaaaaah!

If this is the Truman show someone better fucking tell me right now. I do a lot of embarrassing stuff behind closed doors that other people don’t need to see.

May 21 – Cool as a Cucumber

“Immediately after the suffering of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven will be shaken.”

Matthew 24:29

Interesting notes on this. Bill Nye the Science Guy was actually booed off stage while giving a lecture in the Bible Belt because he pointed out that the Moon does not produce light but rather simple reflects the light of the Sun. Blasphemer! Also, in these pre-science days people actually thought that the Earth was surrounded by some kind of veil or bubble and that God anchored lights on it as a gift to man. Of course, now we know that stars are very far away and in fact most of the ones we can see burnt out long ago and their light is just reaching us now and thus could not possibly fall on us. One would not expect iron-age sheep herders to know any of this but you would think that Jesus would know this. 

I am spending the entire week in Banff. It has been less than 24 hours and already I have had a few adventures worth noting. But first a quick side note:

My last blog automatically posted on Facebook for some reason. I had a bit of a freak out but not because I am ashamed of the content. I will continue to say things of both a mundane and outrageous nature with no reservations. My whole thing is that I want people to have to actively seek out my opinions. When something is posted on Facebook the exposure is much too passive. I finally settled on the idea that if you do not feel comfortable sharing your actions and thoughts with the world then you just shouldn’t do those things to begin with. Take pride in your faults.

Anyway, I had some business to attend to before leaving so I finally got to Banff at 5pm. I checked into the Rocky Mountain Resort and then headed to the edge of town for an evening hike. I did a route called “Philosophers Knoll.” As you can imagine there was much quiet pondering and gazing to be had. The back side of the loop goes along a river (don’t ask me which one…I really need to start carrying a map). I did a little shoulder check, as I do every once and a while just to make sure that I’m not being stocked by a Cougar. The coast was clear behind me but as soon as I righted my line of sight I noticed something to my left. Across the river I saw a family of Grizzly Bears, a mother and her two cubs. I was completely enthralled. I crouched down so that I could observe without myself being seen. The mother was sniffing out a Beaver dam and then she disappeared inside. I assumed she was trying to fish out dinner but then her enormous head emerged from the water. She was swimming across the river and her two cubs followed. My thoughts quickly went from: Oh wow, she’s a good swimmer, to: Holy fuck she’s coming right at me! Before I knew it she was halfway across the river. I stood up to make my presence known and as soon as I did I’m pretty sure her eyes widened and she make that oof! oof! sound before pulling a sharp 180. She quickly swam for her starting point and one of the cubs jumped on her back in the water for a piggy back ride. It was actually quite comical. When she got out of the water she turned and looked directly back at me. I made a motion of submission and started walking down the path. Every few steps I would look back at her and still her gaze was locked on me. I’ll admit that at one point I almost Winnie the Poohed myself but I am happy with the way the situation played out. It was a magical experience.

Today I was anxious to get back at it. I figured I would start with a grind in the morning and then another light walk this evening. I chose the Mount Edith loop for my first excursion. It is a 12km loop that ascends 1100m. It should take around 2 hours but that’s if the way is clear and you know where you’re going. The first climb was perfect. The route finding was easy enough and I felt strong. When I got onto the ridge I ran into some difficulties. I had to cross at least a dozen snow fields that not only covered the trail but made for an insanely strenuous haul. Also, it was evident from the tracks that there had been a Cougar on the trail recently. After that and some sketchy scrambling I finally made it to the col. This is where the trail disappeared again and for good. The was no sign of it whatsoever down the back side of the mountain. I had a decision to make: Back track, which would be a guaranteed  out, or take a risk and head down into the unknown. I chose the later because I was far too exhausted to back track through those snow fields and I knew I could ski down the back slope. This is exactly what I did. I cannot even describe how fun it is to ski in running shoes. I descended probably 500m in only a few minutes. I had some instructions scribbled on a piece of paper in my pocket and a vague idea of the route in my head but once you’re actually out there everything seems different. I completely missed the pickup trail (if there even was one) and was now committed to finding my own way. There was no was way I was trekking back up to the summit. I headed for the far mountain, hoping to run into a river that I could follow out. Eventually I found myself in very thick woods, constantly puncturing through the snow. Panic loomed in the background but I was too tired to let any of it in. Thankfully I ran into a thin orienteering trail and chose to follow it to it’s point of origin. I figured it would have to meet up with a main trail somewhere (I just hoped it would happen in the next 50k or so). It finally did take me to El Dorado, perhaps 5km later, but it was the toughest trek of my life. The entire trail was covered in about 3 feet of that crunchy spring snow that gives way about ever 3-4 steps. I was constantly pulling myself out of the entry points. I tried my best to follow the massive Bear tracks ahead of me, as they were packed down slightly more, but let’s be honest, how reassuring is that? These prints were bigger than my head. Since I was in the thick brush and Bears were evidently close by I did my best to sing as I trekked. Unfortunately I was much too out of breath for that to continue very long. When my gamble finally did pay off I ran the rest of the way out to complete my 4 hour misadventure.

May 18 – Quarterly Projections

*Some of these New Testament passages are not simply chosen because they are evil but rather to point out further selective reading by Christians.

Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.”

Matthew 19:21

Song of the blog: Ani Difranco – Promiscuity

I was in Atlanta this week for sales meetings. It was a bit of a grind for a few reasons but was also an all-around stimulating trip. On Monday I met my golf boss at the airport at 6:15am to trade off the van. I then hopped my indirect flight to Georgia (arrived around 7 or 8). I met with with the rest of the Canadian team for dinner and then hooked up with some of the U.S. squad for drinks in the hotel followed by a very dingy bar called Doc’s (We all thought people were saying Duck’s until we finally pulled up in the cab and we all exclaimed “Oh….Doc’s!”). I drank copious amounts of various types of alcohol and didn’t go to bed until around 4am I think. Herein lies a few issues. Firstly, because of a glitch I was given my own hotel room. Secondly, the first meeting the following morning was changed to 8:30 instead of 9 and I didn’t know this.

6:30am. My alarm goes off as always and though I felt like I had kissed a bumper (I actually kissed something else but I’ll tell you about that later) I still got up with the intention of starting my day. The next 2 hours do not exist in my memory. The next thing I remember I was standing in my room when my phone started to ring. I saw that it was my boss and instantly started to panic (though I didn’t know why yet). I looked over at the clock and had a mini freak out by the fact that it was now 8:34 when 2 seconds prior it was 6:30 – but in my mind I still had time to get ready. I answered the phone as suave as I could and expressed that I was on my way down. I hung up the phone and did nothing more than put pants on. No shower, no brushing the booze out of my breath, no possible way of fixing my bed head or minimizing the swelling around my eyes so that I could actually open them. I ran down to the lobby but then realized I had no idea where we were meeting. I ran around for a minute and then thought to check my phone. In it was an e-mail regarding the time change and the location of the room (across from the restaurant). I ran into the restaurant and instantly saw our President sitting at the end of a table in an adjacent conference room. Unfortunately, my way was still blocked by a plant structure that surrounded the perimeter of the restaurant. Rather than spare even one more minute by walking out and around I instinctively leaped through the plant structure and in through the back door. We went until 5pm.

The next night entailed another 3am outing at Doc’s followed by another 10 hour day of meetings. This time, however, I was moved into my boss’ room so I had an insurance system in place that morning. That was about the rhythm for the week. The last day was tough in that we did a full day of meetings and then left for home. Part of this could have been fatigue but I cried while watching Juno on my last flight. And it wasn’t just a little bit either. Nothing like a good cry. I got in at 3am this morning but thankfully my fitting day was cancelled so I had all day to catch my breath. I slept in, went busking, had a nap and watched  a few episodes of Portlandia (this clip was shown during one presentation and I thought it was worth checking out). Also this one is very funny but kind of long.

All the talk of new product and projections and goals got me thinking of my own stuff. I am still trying to drive a wedge between my new interest and her boyfriend who looks exactly like me. So much so that I mistook him for myself on Facebook. I invited her to Banff with me next week. Hopefully that will give me some good opportunities to convert her to a life of sin. I found the most perfect Ani Defranco song (above) to get the ball rolling and I sent it to her in the form of a drunk text (always an effective medium).

This week the notion that all the good ones are crazy was further cemented for me. I got to chatting with our attractive new rep and out of nowhere she starts telling me about her talking horse. I thought she was referring to the ability that some animals have to make a noise that sounds somewhat like a english phrase (such as “hello” or “I love you”). But no, we are talking about full on conversations. I asked how this was possible and she told me that she hires a man to come in and spend some time with her horse or dog and then he translates everything that they are thinking. AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lucifer out

May 11th – Roundhouse Kicks of Love

Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing teeth.

Matthew 13:40-42

Song of the blog: Cold Specks – Blank Maps

I have decided to try and create a visual element for this blog. Below is a graph of my emotions over a 30 hour period. See legend for explanations.

A (7-9:30pm) – Listened to ex girlfriend play a show at Gravity

B (10pm) – Favourable text

C (11pm)- Very favourable text which sent me off to the Ironwood open mic

D (11-12:30am)- Had drinks and played songs with new love interest

E (1-5am)- Back to new love interest’s apartment for favourable conversation, more drinking and other activities

F (5-6am)- 1 hour sleep

G – Awoke feeling very energized

H (6-6:30am)- a few more mins of sleep

I (8-10)- Run with friend then coffee

J (10am-2pm)- Incredible urge to round-house kick every person I saw. Several kicks performed in my kitchen

K (3pm)- Attended a golf event. Massive crash, crankiness, dry heaving up against side of van, etc.

L (6-8pm) – nap

M (9-11pm)- Off to Broken City with new love interest for drinks and music. Good bands, good company.

N (11pm) – Learned of new interest’s intentions to rekindle recently ended relationship with douche bag of an ex-boyfriend and hopes that it will lead to marriage soon.

O (11pm-1am) – Night club dancing then gave interest a ride home. Favourable conversation, small amounts of other activities

Allow me to elaborate further. I have felt this round-house kicking urge before. It happened when Shannon left the band and then I started getting more gig offers. Underlying everything I do and feel is an omnipresent mild, yet significant, sense of sadness. I don’t know what it is or why it is there but when something favourable but nowhere near flawlessly good comes along the energy from that combines with it to create a super intense wave of an emotion that I’m not sure formally exists. It tends to make me do silly things like destroy furniture, climb buildings, or perform round-house kicks in my kitchen.

I have no idea what is going on with this new love interest of mine. I have never felt such affection for anyone or anything as I did during section E. I have also never felt such things reciprocated to that extent. I have never felt so comfortable around another person. I announced in front of the two other people who came back to the apartment with us originally that I wanted to kiss this girl and for them to leave immediately. We argue about religion constantly (huge Jesus freak), she is much older than I am, she has a boyfriend of 5 years (named Christian…come on that is not even fair! I might as well be named Lucifer) of whom she now plans on marrying and so I know that this thing is doomed beyond measure…But I don’t care.

May 8th – Everything is Music

Remember all those Old Testament quotes?

Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished.

Matthew 5:17-18

My dad called on Friday and told me that I was on the guest list for Big Wreck the next night at Flames Central. I used to teach for and be taught by their guitar player, Brian Doherty, so I had an in (though we haven’t actually spoken for years). Brain texted me at about 3:30 and invited me and some friends to the pre-show gathering at 5pm. I was ecstatic and desperately sent out a barrage of messages trying to find interested friends who weren’t working. For the pre-show I managed to grab the lead singer of one of my top 5 favourite bands right now, Ryan Roy of Georgia Sound – also he is a huge Big Wreck fan.

We grabbed a couple of tall boys for the road and then walked downtown from my place. When we got there we were introduced to some of the stage guys and the record label agent. Then Brian came out and he let me play his Eric Johnson style Fender and his crazy double neck, half guitar, half mandolin. After that we got to go have a beer on the tour bus. They had been watching Dodgeball, which I found slightly odd. Thankfully we turned it down and just talked music for a while. We polished off the Pilsner so Ryan and I offered to go grab a fresh case. The next hour found us on a Big Wreck beer run.

We returned with the beer and now met our two new lady friend arrivals. The show was electric and I posted one of my smoothest moves ever, which I may or may not discuss later. Anyway, we got to meet the band again afterwards. Ian is a crazy good singer. Brian told me he has to warm up for hours before a show and immediately warms down afterwards.

Two night later I was back at it. I walked back downtown, 2 blocks from Flames Central, to Central United Church to see the Great Lake Swimmers. The tiny church miraculously packed in 700 people but fortunately I was one of the first there and snagged this seat:

I would have to say that the opening act, Cold Specks, stole the show. I had never heard of her before but I was enthralled by the performance. I ended up buying her CD afterwards. It comes out officially on May 21st – I suggest you do the same. As for the Great Lake Swimmers, I was turned off by the onslaught of new material. The first 4 songs were all from the new album and I would say half of the 19 song set was new as well. I actually found myself physically agitated when they kept going at that rate. I enjoyed the older tunes they eventually did play but a lot of my favourites were neglected. I saw them play several years ago in St. Catherines – a fact that delighted Erik, the lead guitar player –  and I felt the same then as I did after seeing Cold Specks this night but the magic just wasn’t there for me this time. The one nice thing about seeing a semi-famous band in an intimate setting is that they wander about freely. After the show most people rushed out of there but I stuck around for a bit a got to meet several of the musicians.

Between these two shows I felt the urge to record some material. I took my camera outside and played a couple of songs. The first was written in about 20mins the day before and the second has existed for a little while now but has never really been posted online. Enjoy another shameless plug.

May 4th – Standing on the Porch

OK so I don’t need to post any more Old Testament verses but I’ve been slacking and haven’t started the New Testament (again I should say). So in the meantime, I will pose a question or two.

When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit they were given understanding of right and wrong. But how did they know that disobeying God would be immoral until after they did so and ate the fruit? Also why did God make the talking snake in the first place? 

I’ve been having this discussion with my good friend Larry about what it feels like to be, as I like to put it, “Standing on the Porch.” We are both in situations where we are on the cusp of being able to pursue our passions to interesting places. I think it’s safe to say that a 68min half marathon puts him in the semi-elite category. Similarly, I have been constantly making strides with my music. I was hired to play a club called Ironwood this past Monday (recordings of passable quality now up here), I was hired to play a place called Gravity on Wednesday, I received a phone call from Classic Jack’s yesterday to play a show, and I made good money busking today. Neither of us are knocking on the door yet, but we are perhaps standing on the porch, starring at the door, getting ready to knock.

I’ll delve a little further into my situation. The music thing is really starting to come at me hard. So far this week I’ve played shows Mon and Wed. I’ve played open mics Sun, Tues, and Wed after my show I walked the extra block to the Ironwood open mic. A quick note on that, I got talking with this girl, Selina, and we decided that even though we had never played together that we should perform together that night. We went out front with my guitar and quickly learned the choruses of each other’s songs. In the process a very talented guy named Simon, came walking out and we included him in the fun. Shortly after the practice jam (which in itself pushed me past the 3 hour singing mark for that night) we went on stage. You can see out performances here and here. I have been given better quality videos via Dropbox but I’m not sure how to post those. Anyway, I fully acknowledge that these songs don’t sound particularly good – but we knew that going in. Everyone there still loved it and I had so much fun doing it. So much, in fact, that we went back to my house to share more music and chat until 2am.

To fill out the week I also went busking this afternoon. It went exceptionally well. My voice felt great somehow and I attracted several pleasant encounters. For starters, on my walk over I passed two impoverished people sitting on a bench. I am going to point out the fact that they were Native in order to raise consciousness. They saw my guitar and asked where I was going to play. I said Stephen Avenue and was about to continue walking when the lady offered to give me money. I was taken back by this, as I had not played a note yet. I offered to at least sing them one a cappella song in order to earn her generosity. I sang them two quick verses in a show-tunes-like manner. She reached in to her pocket and gave me some change and then stopped me again from leaving and dug a little deeper and gave me even more change. I didn’t really want to take their money but I also thought that by not doing so I would offend them. I smiled and thanked them and then carried on. I’ll be honest I was close to tears a block later. (I’ll do a rant on this shortly). I set up shop and about 20mins later a large group of kids came over and started dancing to my songs. It was a wonderful moment. They drew people over and could not have loved the music more. Not long after that another homeless woman came up to me. She said she would like to give me money but was broke. I told her that if she sang with me for one song I would give her a dollar. The simplest song I know is “New Partner” by Will Oldham (but I do the Frames version). When we finished she gave me a hug and I gave her the dollar for her effort. As she walked away I continued singing the line “And you’re always on my mind” over and over again. She turned around and started singing with me again, now from a half block down the road. All in, I made $26 in 2 hours. Better than minimum wage.

Financially this is where the music scene has put me.

Ironwood – no pay (sound guy takes the cut off the top)

Gravity – $100

Classic Jack’s – $75 for 45mins. If that goes well, $300 for 3 hours. If that goes well, $1200/month potentially.

Busking – roughly minimum wage

As I said. I’m not knocking yet but if this Classic Jack’s thing goes through and I continue to book gigs (Edmonton club coming up in July and I was invited back to Gravity) and if I were to busk on a regular basis I could potentially eek out a living solely from music. This is a very exciting idea for me and it will continue to be only an idea for a little while yet. I will continue doing what I’m doing and just see what else I can drum up and make decisions that need to be made as they come up.

In related news my act “Mallory” is now a solo project. I don’t know what to do about the name. It doesn’t really make sense at the moment but I see myself picking up more musicians in the future so I probably won’t switch back to just my name.

Rant:

Flat out, more people need to start seeing what I see. So often when I talk to people about busking, or my location of residence, or travelling alone, or people who are in a different place financially or racially I here the most pessimistic and degrading remarks. I blame parental indoctrination, the media, and lack of direct experience for this. When I hitch hike I meet nothing but generous people. And you know what cars never pick me up? The expensive ones. When I play on the street I meet so many interesting and friendly people. And you know who doesn’t often give me money or stop to listen or talk or sing or give me food or hugs (or change my car battery for free)? The people in suits. I hate that we ever need to assume the worst about people. Honestly, who in their right mind would attack someone else for no reason? Furthermore, who in their right mind would not help a person in distress if it were within their means? I hate the fact that my landlord has rigged my door to lock automatically when I close it. I hate how there are expectations about relationships. Why can’t something young be meaningful? Get out of your comfort zone, talk with strangers, and experience things directly, not through the news or through photographs of other people’s adventures (or even your own – go experience it again in real life or do something new). That’s it.

April 29 – “All Pussies are Pink in the Middle”

I am just about finished the Old Testament. This will probably be my last selection from it. And what wisdom it leaves us with.

If a man is righteous and does what is lawful and right – if he does not eat upon the mountains or lift up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, does not defile his neighbour’s wife or approach a woman during her menstrual period…such a one is righteous; he shall surely live, says the Lord God.

Ezekiel 18.5-9

I forgot to post this as “Song of the blog” for my last blog:

Lisa Hannigan – Safe Travels (Don’t Die)

 

I voted recently. Well, sort of. When I told people that I had never voted I often heard the response “Well then you can’t complain [say anything][whine] etc.” After I get done thinking that it sounds like this person’s parents have stuck their hands up his or her butt and are now working his or her mouth like a puppet I start to think along the following lines. Is this not like saying “Here is some ice cream. You must pick either chocolate or vanilla. You could, I suppose choose strawberry or mint or some weird new ice cream but it is certain that there will be none available and hence, you must choose either chocolate or vanilla.” For me, it is not even like I am wanting the other flavours of ice cream. The way I look at it, I am lactose intolerant and therefore choose no ice cream. Does this mean that I cannot say “I don’t like chocolate ice cream?” Of course not. That would be absurd. Please don’t anyone use this argument anymore unless you can come up with a slightly more confusing analogy to demonstrate that I am wrong.

All that being said, I was persuaded recently to participate in the voting process. If you recall, I had a debate with a Running Room employee over politics a few weeks back. Amongst his thoughts he established one very good point that allowed for me to participate in the democratic process but also be weird and obnoxious at the same time. He said that you can go to the polling office and decline your vote. It is noted, officially, as a declined vote and not simply tossed away with the discarded ballots. So, last Wednesday I marched over to my designated polling office, registered as a voter, walked up to my station and declined both of my votes. So there you go. Not only did I fulfill my duty as a citizen but I also demonstrated that I am not as stubborn as many people think. I received some new information that conflicted with my current model of the world and I adjusted my beliefs and actions accordingly. It’s just that easy folks.

The next thing I want to talk about is the filming of 6 Fast 8 Furious or whatever they’re probably on now. I was boppin’ down Highway 2 in my soccer-mom van when several pimped out go-fast cars (don’t ask me make or model cuz I don’t know shit about cars) came flying by me. I happened to catch one of the licence plates. It read: HGHVLTG (or something along those lines. Clearly “High Voltage” was the aim.) Within the next week I saw several men, age 40-50, driving very expensive cars. This all makes me very uncomfortable. It is possible that there is an underlying envious tension present but that seems not to be the main influence. Rather, I feel that this symbol (i.e. ridiculously ostentatious automobiles) is the manifestation of a problem that I never want to have. As I once said “A mere metallic compensation for a more organic void” (Is it okay to quote yourself?) I just never want to be that guy who hates his job and finds himself constipated and in an unhappy marriage. I’ve seen it enough times in rest stops. Some guy will come in all suited up and in fancy leather shoes and then he sits down and can’t take a shit (the audible struggle is both funny and saddening). I mean seriously, what is the point of living if you can’t take a shit? Impotence doesn’t sound like fun either. But this is all I think about when I see these cars drive by. Now I know this makes me appear pretentious as it seemingly suggests that I know the right way to live. I do not claim to know the point to all of this but I am nearly certain that those guys are missing it.

Speaking of driving and shitting. I had to drive up to Medicine Hat this morning for a race. I left very early and hence, my morning movement took place in the small town of Brooks, Alberta. In my stall I noticed some of the most racist writings I had ever seen. Amongst the sea of vulgarities lay two brusque but enlightening statements. The first read, “Black, White, Yellow, etc. I hate you all.” Instead of loving everyone equally, this man suggests the opposite. I think this could have a similar outcome of tolerance though. The second statement read, “All pussies are pink on the inside.” This man was perhaps suggesting that we look at the true person on the inside before making judgements about their skin colour. So ahead of their time these truck stop poets.

Ok. There you go. Would you believe that I still sugar-coat things to an extent?